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The Week from Hell Pt. 1

This is the first of a 3-part post providing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”.  When it was occurring, it was hands down the most difficult week of foster care we had experienced. Every day, we were pushed to our limits and there were times that we very seriously consider quitting. The events discussed each day are solely related to our trials through fostering, and do not take into account the every day stressors related to work, or life in general.

The week in question occurred a few weeks after we were informed that reunification for Ava could possibly occur any moment. DHS submitted an application for her Bio-Mom to receive housing at a facility that requires the mother to have custody of her child when she moves in.  We had previously voiced our concern about this approach to DHS, and Ava’s lawyer. When we felt that our concerns and the best interest of Ava were not being taken into consideration, we began the process of requesting a CASA for Ava. Upon hearing DHS’s reunification approach, we honestly felt that they were just trying to reduce their caseload and increase their statistics.  As you read through our week from hell, know that the daily issues are compounded with our frustration with the proposed reunification plan. Continue reading “The Week from Hell Pt. 1”

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We Know You Mean Well But…

Jewell and I consider ourselves extroverted introverts.  We enjoy our privacy, the company of each other, and gatherings of our close friends. Both of us are easily intimidated by large social gatherings, “Parties” is what I think the cool kids call them, but we often force ourselves to go, so we can see our friends and acquaintances.  Being a Foster Parent has proven to be a great conversation piece at said social gatherings, one that many people have a lot of questions about, and that we are happy to answer. When it comes to being a Foster Parent, we do not evangelize. We understand that it is not for everyone, it is a personal or family decision, and the last thing we would want is for someone to be pressured into being a foster parent when it is not right for them, that is not fair to the kids or the person/family.  That being said, we try to be an open book and answer questions that people have for us, because prior to us becoming Foster Parents, we had a lot of questions too, and nobody to really answer them.

Continue reading “We Know You Mean Well But…”

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Organizations We Love

We are well aware that not everybody has the ability or desire to be a foster parent.  It definitely is not easy, it is not for everyone, and that is perfectly alright. If foster care is not something your family is equipped to do however, there are still many ways you can help.  Here is a list of organizations that go above and beyond to help kids in care and their families, both bio and foster.  Please consider donating or volunteering with these groups for #GivingTuesday, or anytime of year for that matter.

This post also contains a list of actionable items that you can do yourself, to support foster families in your community.

Continue reading “Organizations We Love”

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Who’s Your Daddy?

It is one thing for the kiddo to call you “mama” or “dada”, because their vocabulary is limited. It felt like a completely different thing when we referred to ourselves as “Mom” or “Dad” to the kiddo… in front of the bio-parent.

We know better. We know how awkward and potentially hurtful that could feel to the bio-parents.  It can be interpreted a number of different ways, like maybe we think we are her parents, or maybe we are planning on adopting their child, or have little faith that they will get their child back. And in actuality, we are only referring to ourselves this way to the kiddo, because that is how they refer to us. Continue reading “Who’s Your Daddy?”

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Are You My Mother?

During the Foundation Training Classes, there are discussions about how to talk to your Foster Children about what their parents are doing, and how these children “fit” into your family.  There are discussions about not introducing your child as “my Foster Child” at social events, and to give the children options on how they refer to you.  According to the classes, some children may feel comfortable referring to you as “Mom” or “Dad” eventually, but that this should not be expected initially, and it may never happen.  It all made sense to us during the classes. We would introduce ourselves as Aaron and Jewell, and let the kiddos know that we love them and are going to take care of them while their Mom or Dad do some grown-up things and get some help so they can be with them shortly.

This all sounds well and good in the classroom and on paper, but our first long term placements have been infants and toddlers.
Continue reading “Are You My Mother?”

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Four Hours

Four hours, that was the length of time we had to prepare for our first ever child.  From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.  This is just enough time to watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.

During our initial interviews with our Certifier, we said we were open to fostering children of all ages, gender, race, religion, background, sexual orientation, etc., but that since we both work, it probably makes most sense for us to care for school age children. When we discussed the logistics, DHS agreed.  In our free time during the certification process, we began to set up a bedroom in our house for our future kids.  We furnished it with a twin bed equipped with a pull-out trundle (just in case), and a closet with a place to hang their clothes, a chair to lounge in, and a nightstand for their books. Everything we could think of that a child might need. We were ready for The Call.

Continue reading “Four Hours”

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Possible Placements

The following correspondence is an e-mail exchange between us, our certifier, and a CW.  This is a typical correspondence when DHS contacts you about a possible placement.  Our initial commitment was for the weekend, so the kids would not have to stay in a hotel with a DHS worker. We were going to use the weekend to see if we could logistically keep them for an extended period.

The first e-mail is from our certifier to us, regarding a possible placement. This amount of information and this type of contact is typical for possible placements.

Continue reading “Possible Placements”

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The Certification Process – Pt. 2

Congratulations on completing your 24-hours of Foundations Training for Foster Care!

Here is your Certificate!

So now we are foster parents, right?!?!?!?! We can begin to help children in need? Right?

Nope. Continue reading “The Certification Process – Pt. 2”

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The Certification Process – Pt. 1

As mentioned in What is this blog, this site is not going to serve as a “How To Be A Foster Parent” blog, or writings on how to become a Foster Parent.  For details on how to do this, your local agency should be your go to. For us, Oregon Department of Human Services (DHS) is our go to, and they have information listed HERE. That being said, this series of posts details both the requirements we had to meet, as well as our experience meeting those requirements.

This post will be more about our experience navigating the process to become certified.  We are Certified Non-Relative Foster Care Providers AKA Foster Parents in Oregon.  Our experience is limited to Oregon and and we are aware that the process may be significantly different outside of Oregon. However, no matter where you live, we think our experience, the emotions, the anxiety, the excitement, the uncertainty will resonate, so we thought we would share our journey. Continue reading “The Certification Process – Pt. 1”

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What Is This Blog?

This is a place for us to document our journey as foster parents in Oregon.  The idea for the blog came to us after we realized that as brand new parents, we were staying up far too late after our kiddos went to bed.  We were constantly staying up talking about all of the thoughts we were having as we become more and more ingrained in the Foster Care System.  It felt like nearly every day, we encountered a new experience, oftentimes experiences that are unique to foster parents, but also, experiences relevant to all parents, and experiences relevant to all humans who care about other humans.

As we stayed up too late talking, knowing that our kids would wake us up soon, far before our alarm clocks would go off to make it to work on time, we knew that the conversations we were having were much more important than sleep.  We thought that the conversations would slowly taper off over the coming weeks. Eventually, we assumed that fostering children would be our “new normal”, and we could get back to watching our shows on Netflix and going to bed at a decent hour.  Instead, the longer we were caring for children, the more we interacted with DHS, family, friends, bio-parents, lawyers, CASAs, judges, etc., the more we realized that these conversations were going to continue.
Continue reading “What Is This Blog?”