Carlton, 8
After Brit left, DHS quickly realized that our home was open to all children, not just infants and babies. The older you are, the harder it is for DHS to find a placement for your, long term or short term. So after Brit left, we very quickly received a call about an 8-year old boy who needed a home, after being removed from his parents and spending the weekend in a hotel. We talked to Trevor, and he was more than eager to have a boy the same age as him over for a night or seven.
Carlton came to us confused. In his eyes, his parents were perfect. They loved him and he loved them. He missed them dearly. From what we gleaned from the the news, his story, and DHS, his parents fell into the grips of addiction and made some very poor choices. In his mind, his parent were being framed. In the eyes of the law, his dad may have been robbing banks and convenience stores, and the apartment they lived in might have had needles and drug paraphernalia laying around. Whatever the truth is, we know we had a child in our home who was scared, confused, and worried.
The night started out well, Trevor and Carlton got along great. They played together until dinner, but at dinner, Carlton started to cry. He tried to play it off, but everyone including Trevor recognized his sadness and that he was crying while eating pizza. At that point, Aaron asked him if he wanted to go outside and talk alone, which he did. The conversation they had was so informative. An 8-year old hugged and cried on the shoulder of a stranger and confided about how much he missed his family. Aaron was able to explain foster care to him, let him know that he would have a visit with his mom soon, and that she was working hard to be able to bring him home. Although he had only been in care for 3 days, he told us that he hadn’t seen is mom or dad in weeks, a testament to the trauma that coming into care has on a child. He told us that his mom “dropped him off at DHS because the house needs to be cleaned up, because someone broke in and left needles everywhere”, so that is what she is doing while he is with us.
It was crazy how quickly we formed a bond with Carlton. How open he was with us, and how much we learned about who he is, what he has been through, and how he perceives what is going on around him. We had him for one night…he was picked up in the morning to go to school, and we thought he would be back after school. Instead, a DHS car showed up to pick up his belongings. They said they found a long term placement for Carlton, and we gave them the benefit of the doubt. We would take the trauma of not having the chance to say goodbye, if it meant that he was in a good place. It was frustrating, it didn’t feel right, but we tried to trust the system and let it go.
A couple weeks later, we find out through DHS that the “long term” placement they found for Carlton requested that he be removed. Apparently, they had a hard and fast rule around sexualized children, and Carlton made a comment that made them uncomfortable, and perceived him as sexualized. This meant that he needed to be removed from their home.
When we heard the comment made by Carlton, and based on the little time we spent with him, as well as the background information we had on him, we interpreted the comment as an ill-timed and inappropriate joke made by children his age who are trying to appease and impress. However, without DHS telling us that he would not be returning to our home after school, or asking us for information about Carlton and who he is and his personality, this family took the steps they thought necessary to protect their family… and Carlton was quickly removed from their home.
The most frustrating part about this whole situation is that not only did DHS not tell us that Carlton would not be returning to our home the day he left for school, nor did they ask for any insight into who Carlton is as a person, but that when he was removed from his potential long term placement, after only a week or two, they didn’t call us back and ask if we could help. This poor kid is just being shuffled around from home to home, while still loving and missing his parents. He deserves better.
***This is the third post in a series documenting our experience having emergency placements. A link to other posts in this series is below***
Pt. 6 – Charles, 8 – Alyssa, 2
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Breaks my heart. As a child I also went through the very broken DHS system. I love reading your stories. Me and my husband are thinking very hard of taking in a foster child.
Thank you, Mary. I am glad you are thinking of doing this work. We need more homes!