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Fostering The Christmas Spirit

This was the first year that we have had kids in our home on Christmas. There was quite a lot of excitement and emotion in the days leading up to Christmas, along with discussions with Trevor* and Ariel* about what Christmas has been like for them in the past.  From what they told us, Santa never visited their home, but their parents did get them a lot of presents.  Although the holidays are often a wonderful time for most, for those who are away from their family or who have lost family members, it can bring up a lot of emotions. For our kids, it was no different.

One minute, they would be bouncing off the walls excited for presents from Santa, and the next they would be crying uncontrollably into a pillow because they were sad and didn’t want to talk to us about it. It was heartbreaking when their emotions would overcome them and they would scream at us that this wasn’t “their house”. To complicate things even more, they had a visit with their grandparents a couple days before Christmas, bringing up a lot of feelings.

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The Week from Hell Pt. 3

This is the third part of a three part series detailing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”.  If you haven’t had a chance to read the first two posts, they can be found HERE and HERE.

Wednesday:

On this day, we just had Ava at our house, because Sabrina was still on her overnight visit. Sabrina had a decent number of overnight visits during this time, since she was actually transitioning towards reunification with her mom, not just being spontaneously reunited.  Overall, it was a good day with Ava.  The only damper on this day was an e-mail from Ava’s CW stating that “all legal parties have agreed” that reunification can occur on Saturday.  Foster Parents are not legal parties, despite the fact that we see the kids, and the parents in this case, more often than DHS, the child’s lawyer, the parent’s lawyer, or anyone else involved in the case. Continue reading “The Week from Hell Pt. 3”

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The Week from Hell Pt. 2

This is the second part of a three part series, detailing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”.  If you haven’t had a chance to read the first part of the week, it can be found HERE.

Sunday:

We woke up with so much uncertainty. Would DHS be knocking at our door to take Ava for reunification with her mom? Should we start packing up her things? Would Sabrina continue to intentionally hurt herself today?

Continue reading “The Week from Hell Pt. 2”

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The Week from Hell Pt. 1

This is the first of a 3-part post providing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”.  When it was occurring, it was hands down the most difficult week of foster care we had experienced. Every day, we were pushed to our limits and there were times that we very seriously consider quitting. The events discussed each day are solely related to our trials through fostering, and do not take into account the every day stressors related to work, or life in general.

The week in question occurred a few weeks after we were informed that reunification for Ava could possibly occur any moment. DHS submitted an application for her Bio-Mom to receive housing at a facility that requires the mother to have custody of her child when she moves in.  We had previously voiced our concern about this approach to DHS, and Ava’s lawyer. When we felt that our concerns and the best interest of Ava were not being taken into consideration, we began the process of requesting a CASA for Ava. Upon hearing DHS’s reunification approach, we honestly felt that they were just trying to reduce their caseload and increase their statistics.  As you read through our week from hell, know that the daily issues are compounded with our frustration with the proposed reunification plan. Continue reading “The Week from Hell Pt. 1”

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Organizations We Love

We are well aware that not everybody has the ability or desire to be a foster parent.  It definitely is not easy, it is not for everyone, and that is perfectly alright. If foster care is not something your family is equipped to do however, there are still many ways you can help.  Here is a list of organizations that go above and beyond to help kids in care and their families, both bio and foster.  Please consider donating or volunteering with these groups for #GivingTuesday, or anytime of year for that matter.

This post also contains a list of actionable items that you can do yourself, to support foster families in your community.

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Who’s Your Daddy?

It is one thing for the kiddo to call you “mama” or “dada”, because their vocabulary is limited. It felt like a completely different thing when we referred to ourselves as “Mom” or “Dad” to the kiddo… in front of the bio-parent.

We know better. We know how awkward and potentially hurtful that could feel to the bio-parents.  It can be interpreted a number of different ways, like maybe we think we are her parents, or maybe we are planning on adopting their child, or have little faith that they will get their child back. And in actuality, we are only referring to ourselves this way to the kiddo, because that is how they refer to us. Continue reading “Who’s Your Daddy?”

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Are You My Mother?

During the Foundation Training Classes, there are discussions about how to talk to your Foster Children about what their parents are doing, and how these children “fit” into your family.  There are discussions about not introducing your child as “my Foster Child” at social events, and to give the children options on how they refer to you.  According to the classes, some children may feel comfortable referring to you as “Mom” or “Dad” eventually, but that this should not be expected initially, and it may never happen.  It all made sense to us during the classes. We would introduce ourselves as Aaron and Jewell, and let the kiddos know that we love them and are going to take care of them while their Mom or Dad do some grown-up things and get some help so they can be with them shortly.

This all sounds well and good in the classroom and on paper, but our first long term placements have been infants and toddlers.
Continue reading “Are You My Mother?”

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Four Hours

Four hours, that was the length of time we had to prepare for our first ever child.  From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.  This is just enough time to watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.

During our initial interviews with our Certifier, we said we were open to fostering children of all ages, gender, race, religion, background, sexual orientation, etc., but that since we both work, it probably makes most sense for us to care for school age children. When we discussed the logistics, DHS agreed.  In our free time during the certification process, we began to set up a bedroom in our house for our future kids.  We furnished it with a twin bed equipped with a pull-out trundle (just in case), and a closet with a place to hang their clothes, a chair to lounge in, and a nightstand for their books. Everything we could think of that a child might need. We were ready for The Call.

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Possible Placements

The following correspondence is an e-mail exchange between us, our certifier, and a CW.  This is a typical correspondence when DHS contacts you about a possible placement.  Our initial commitment was for the weekend, so the kids would not have to stay in a hotel with a DHS worker. We were going to use the weekend to see if we could logistically keep them for an extended period.

The first e-mail is from our certifier to us, regarding a possible placement. This amount of information and this type of contact is typical for possible placements.

Continue reading “Possible Placements”

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The Certification Process – Pt. 2

Congratulations on completing your 24-hours of Foundations Training for Foster Care!

Here is your Certificate!

So now we are foster parents, right?!?!?!?! We can begin to help children in need? Right?

Nope. Continue reading “The Certification Process – Pt. 2”